just what the heck are you doing ?

 As i sit here, day after day, writing more and more, and plowing through all the frustrations of writing articles, I often wonder, just what the heck am i doing ? I have no writing skill's, never read anything, have no social skills at all, and a high school dropout, so why am I doing all of this ? I am sure I could go scrub dishes somewhere, in some lowly little restaurant, and make more money than I am right now. I would have a steady income, and be able to afford health benefits as well.     
 Most of my life, I have worked in one laborious job after another, never getting anywhere, just happily pushing a shovel across someones yard, day after day. The hardest part of the job was showing up. Once I got my rhythm going, i could do that for hours on end, with very little problem. When I got bored, I could move to the next job, and new adventures, so to speak. I liked what I was doing, and it was very gratifying to see that big pile of dirt at the end of the day. You could actually SEE what you had accomplished, right their before your eyes, with your chest puffed out and a smile on your face. Then my back blew out....

 Since that time, I have worked here and their, in other dead end jobs, but as I get older, I find it harder and harder just to get through one day, much less a week. I have always been told that i am semi-intelligent, so why not use my brain for a while, to find ways to make money. After all, I had been neglecting the brain for years, abusing it with very little use. But, could I still have the same cranial capacity now, after all these years ?

 That is why i started writing, to wake up the old brain cell's, and see if their was anything left of it, that could be rubbed together to form a though, or an idea. As I write, i find it flowing a little bit easier everyday, and the thoughts pouring out, almost faster than I can type them. It is nice to be able to share, and gratifying to know that someone may be reading them. Someday, years from now, when I am strolling down memory lane, I am going to look at all these early writings and chuckle.